Lullaby
by hexterah
Summary: Actually an AU from the post-LotF era, Tenel Ka visits Jacen Solo for the first time in his cell after he returns from his reign as Darth Caedus and they speak through a transparisteel barrier. Written: 05/05/08


**Author's Note: **I was obviously a little bitter about what happened at the end of the Legacy of the Force series and I wrote this a week or two before the last book came out and we learned Jacen's fate. This was me trying to make myself feel better after knowing exactly what was coming to him (and he and Tenel Ka's relationship) at the end of the series. :\ Written: 05/05/2008.

**Lullaby**

_Jacen Solo wasn't used to feeling nothing._

_Right now he should've been able to feel the people outside, the lush surroundings around the building, the insect crawling across his arm._

But he could feel nothing. And all he could bring himself to do was stare at the ceiling of his cell. Day in and day out.

_He had gotten no sleep since he was put into the cell days ago. He was completely numb, emotionally and through the Force -- physically as well, except for the wound Jaina had given him in his side. It hurt then and it still hurt. Normally he would've used the Force to quell the pain and to calm himself down. But he didn't have that luxury anymore._

_The fight he had with Jaina seemed like years ago, when it had only been about a week. And the subsequent talk they had, which lasted for hours and happened mere days before seemed like it had taken place months ago. She had sat on the other side of the soundproof transparisteel with a comlink in her hand. He had the counterpart in his cell, given to him through the same slot in the door he received his food through._

_"Do you have any idea the kind of insanity you've been causing out here for the past few months?" She had asked in that shrill tone of hers._

_Of course he did. He said nothing in response though._

_"Do you know what you put us through? What you put Master Skywalker through?"_

_Silence._

_"Talk to me."_

_"No," he had croaked in return._

_She had said all sorts of things ranging from threats to retellings of the things she had been through during his brief reign. Nothing made him talk. Nothing made him react._

_Until she showed him her datapad._

_"When were you gonna tell me about her?"_

_There was a picture of a little girl on it. She had a mess of copper hair and stormy gray eyes -- and she looked so much like her mother._

_When Jacen was able to tear his eyes from the image on the datapad and look to his sister, he noticed the steely resolve and the quiet rage that had been building up in her as she spoke had dissolved now. She looked tired and there were tears in her eyes._

_"Why didn't you tell me about her?"_

_Jacen moved his eyes from Jaina's face and slowly crushed the comlink in the palm of his hand. He didn't have the Force anymore, but the strength he had built during his Sith training and rule was still present. That was something that he would never let leave him. He had grown so used to being the Solo child who thought too much. Anakin had been the strong one, Jaina had been the clever one and he had been the one always lost in his own thoughts. Daydreaming about the universe, how to make it better and the bright future ahead of him._

_Recently, he had just wanted to be all of it. Strong, clever and thoughtful. The last had escaped him._

---

"He won't talk to me." Jaina said, matter-of-factly. "And he broke the comlink on his side of the cell. We're waiting for a replacement to arrive on the next supply shipment. Sorry about that."

A curt nod in response, and then an observation. "I can't..." The woman across the table from her slowly waved her right hand to her head, indicating her right temple.

"You can't feel him..." Jaina nodded. "Master -- Uncle Luke stripped him of the Force."

Standing up, Jaina Solo rounded the small table and helped her friend out of her seat. She was perfectly capable of doing it herself, and Jaina knew this -- Tenel Ka was always capable of doing things herself -- but she had taken note of the slight case of shakes the Queen Mother had suddenly developed and she could feel her despair in the Force.

"Can you watch --"

"Can I watch my niece for you?" Jaina forced a small smile and guided Tenel Ka to the entrance of the cell's observation chamber, stopping in front of it. "Of course." She opened her mouth to say something else but shut it again and punched in the code to open the door. "Let me know if you need anything, alright?"

The Queen Mother nodded and slipped into the observation chamber, the door sliding shut behind her.

Dim light from the setting sun outside filtered in through the tattered curtains that were pulled shut on his side. Besides that, the room was dark and Tenel Ka had to stand beside the door for a moment to let her eyes adjust before she could properly assess the chamber she was standing in.

The room was long and a full transparisteel wall ran along the length of it, reaching from the floor to the ceiling. On her side of the chamber there was a simple chair and a table. On his side there was the same thing, plus a cot and a basic refresher unit. When her eyes finally caught sight of him in her visual sweep, she froze by the door.

The lighting in the room was dim, but she could still make out his features and his body. He was seated on the cot, his hands locked together in his lap and his feet placed firmly on the ground in front of him. They were bare, as were his arms, which protruded from a dirty sleeveless shirt that clung to his chest like a second skin. It was tan, like his pants which were baggy and thin and hung on his frame because of a haphazard knot he managed to tie at the top.

He was staring at her, wide-eyed and pleading. His expression was one of muted shock, like he never expected her to be there. He wasn't moving.

He looked horrible. Cut-up, gaunt, vacant -- but he looked like _Jacen_ again.

All she could recall of his most recent visits to Hapes was of him always lost in thought and brooding. He played with Allana in an absent sort of fashion, always focusing on her and not the act of spending time and laughing with her. And when he managed to crawl into bed late at night, she could remember always asking him what was wrong and he would just brush her question off and wrap her up in his arms, falling asleep with a painfully overprotective grasp on her. Some nights he would get in bed and she would see flashes of his old self again, as he tried to joke his way into her good favor -- which usually led to a quick and rough round of lovemaking before he fell asleep and left early in the morning without a goodbye.

His eyes were dead whenever she had seen him. For once in her lifetime she had been scared.

But not now. Even in the dark she could see that something had returned to his gaze. There was sadness, a deep depression swirling in those brandy-brown eyes. But at least his eyes were alive.

He was _alive_.

Slowly, Tenel Ka begin to approach the transparisteel, a bundle of her pale green traveling gown bunched up in her hand so she wouldn't step on it. She dropped it once she reached the clear wall and she pressed a palm to the surface, her eyes meeting his.

Jacen bolted up from the cot at that point, rushing to the wall and practically slamming himself into it, his palms splayed out on the transparisteel in front of his chest.

"Jacen..." she murmured, knowing he couldn't hear her. She realized how good it felt to just say his name, and actually be speaking to him and not through some opaque filter of anger.

She couldn't hear his response, but from the movement of his lips and all that she knew about Jacen since the first time she met him, she knew what it was.

"Hey."

Tilting her head, she gave him a once over. She could now see the lumps on his side under his shirt where the bacta bandages were and if he was feeling any pain then he was pushing through it to stand up and attempt communication with her. His shoulders were shaking and his hair was damp with sweat, but she found herself focusing on the color rushing into his cheeks and the way he was furiously blinking his eyes. They were wet with tears or sweat or both, she couldn't tell which, but she also couldn't look away from them.

There was a wall between them but he was so close to her. He was so close and he wasn't hissing about something, or talking politics or ignoring her.

He was crying.

She watched him sniffle and drag his arm across his face, his eyes suddenly red. She then watched him lean down slightly, so that he was right in front of her face, and he took a deep breath before letting it out and fogging up a small patch of the transparisteel. Before it vanished, he quickly and deftly wrote a simple one-worded question -- backwards to himself so that she could read it.

_Joke?_

He had written the last letter wrong and it was backwards to her -- that was something he noticed and openly scowled at before looking to her for an answer. He was forcing a smile through the foggy surface and she saw that once it evaporated he had on that grin of his father's. That lopsided grin that she hadn't seen since Allana was born. She felt the sudden and impossible urge to wrap him in a hug.

She could only shake her head in response though. He mocked a frown and then she watched him swallow what could only be a mouthful of dry, stale air.

They stood there like that for a good few minutes, her palm still on the transparisteel and her gaze following a tear that had escaped his eye and was traveling down his defined jawline. He stood on the other side just simply taking in the sight of her. He reveled in the way her hips curved and the way her hair fell around her shoulders. He found himself particularly entranced by the hollow of her neck, which was a place he had always let his lips linger during their more intimate moments. He shut his eyes and pressed his forehead against the clear surface -- he could almost smell her. The pale fragrance of the flora on Hapes had taken up a permanent residence in her hair and on her skin and thinking back to the time he spent there, he swore he caught that scent.

When he pulled his eyes open, she was staring at him still, her face flushed and her palm still on the surface. She had moved closer though and her shoulders were raised around her a bit. She looked unsure.

She was. Having him back like this was an unbelievable thing -- especially after having him gone, emotionally, for so long.

From her time as the Queen Mother of Hapes, she had picked up a few skills when it came to reading lips. And those lips that she always welcomed on hers were moving, as were the hands that she always loved to feel on her skin.

"We need to talk." He said this behind the transparisteel, motioning with his hands between them and then making a crude talking motion with his right hand. His expression had fallen when he said this, and she knew why. She knew they were going to have a very long discussion about what was happening to him, what he did and all the problems he caused throughout the galaxy -- not to mention how they were supposed to deal with these events and letting Allana know about everything. The prospect of that conversation caused her stomach to drop and her chest to tighten, but she knew it would have to come sooner or later.

She nodded to him, blinking back tears.

"Tenel Ka?"

He tried to get her to look back up at him, but her head had dropped and her hand had moved away from the surface between them and to her face. Finally, she turned away from him.

"Tenel Ka!"

Jacen knew she couldn't hear him, the transparisteel was definitely soundproof. But that didn't stop him from trying. "Hey!" Slamming his palms against the clear wall, he felt his nostrils flare at the sudden frustration coursing through his system.

He tried to call out to her once more through the transparisteel but, of course, she couldn't hear him. He resorted to calling out to her through their connection, their bond in the Force.

And then it hit him again.

He wasn't connected anymore.

All he could do was stand there and watch Tenel Ka's back, her shoulders racking with sobs.

She began to shift to the far side of the room, attempting to wipe her eyes with her right hand. He followed her along the wall, his right hand gliding over the transparisteel with her body as she moved. He couldn't take his eyes from her. She noticed him still with her and quickly walked back to the other end of the room, still wiping her eyes. Everything he had done was flooding back into her mind at the mention of them having a talk and she was afraid to look at him. What if he did it all again?

He had paced with her; back up the length of the room, following her like a caged animal. And she noted, with a bitter amusement that when he was younger, some of the animals he had kept in cages used to do the same to him. She expected to look at him and see that snarl she was so used to. That loathing sneer he wore in the past few months.

When she whipped her head back up to him, he was standing there, lips pursed with a frown and eyes dropped to the floor. She felt a wave of relief wash over her at the sight, but it still didn't do much to settle her nerves. Part of her wanted to scream at him for everything and wanted him to suffer for what he put everyone through and the other part just wanted to help him get cleaned up and then pull him into bed with her for a long nap.

She loved him. She loved him for what he was before and what he hopefully could become again. _Jacen Solo_.

When he used his fists to bang on the wall a couple of times, she snapped out of her trance and waited. He breathed on the glass again, a bigger area this time and quickly scrawled out another message.

I love you.

The "e" was backwards again.

He noticed this once more and his face twisted into an expression of disgust before he looked away from his mistake and to the Queen Mother, hoping for some sort of reply. Anything. He didn't want to watch her turn away from him again.

Tenel Ka stood there momentarily, staring at the words as they slowly began to vanish. She couldn't respond to that yet. Not just yet. But she did plant a kiss on the tips of her fingers and place them firmly in the middle of the "o" of "love" in his foggy declaration. The letter his own lips had been behind.

Once the words disappeared, he pressed his forehead to the transparisteel and watched her begin to back away from the wall, back towards the door. She raised her hand in a goodbye and he forced that lopsided grin back at her. He tried to put all the feeling behind it he could, since he couldn't reach her through the Force.

She smiled back to him. It was weak and her lips were quivering. But it was a smile. And from her, that was enough for him.

She was outside of the cell again, away from him once more, and a cold and artificial air settled over her.

"Thank you very much, Jaina." Tenel Ka said, the door sliding shut behind her.

"Welcome, Majesty."

Just like Jacen, Jaina had taken to calling her nicknames relating to her position. Tenel Ka noted this with a bit of warmth. They were still more similar than they wanted to admit.

"Did anything happen?"

"Nothing too important."

Jaina nodded and motioned out the entrance. "Allana's out playing with Uncle Lowbacca."

With a smile, Tenel Ka thanked Jaina again and the two hugged tightly before the Queen Mother took her leave.

Yawning, Jaina stretched and tilted her head to the side, wincing at the crack her neck made. She looked at the security monitor that was focused on Jacen's cell at all hours. He was on his cot.

He was sleeping. After eighty-six hours he was finally sleeping.

"Nothing too important..." She murmured to the empty security chamber around her. "Right."


End file.
